ruckland.blogspot.com
posted by Anna Belanger 2:02:56 AM
5/7/2004
don't you think it would be kinda cool (in a sort of evil way) if we could sic al qaeda on clear channel? Some guy had a booth outside alexis nihon a few days ago. he wanted me to give him 100$ to support larouche, on the basis that neither bush nor kerry will do enough to help those under the american poverty line. can i get a hello? a) i have less money than this guys dog and b) THIS ENTIRE SCENE TOOK PLACE IN CANADA! like i give enough of a shit to give this guy the better part of my weeks wages. fuck thats depressing.
posted by Anna Belanger 11:00:46 AM
4/29/2004
the restaurant's ventilation just died. it made this godawful bang, and then it chugged a few times, and now its silent. they keep trying to make it go but its not going. its wierd reading all these entries from two months ago when i was in that lapse. now im wondering if i'll be able to keep up next week when im acting as assistant manager. im still broke as shit, though. we got a kitten, shes SO SWEET!! oh, if she wasn't under my bed right now i'd be scratching under her chin. meow meow.. where is aaron? his exam let out four hours ago. aaron?
posted by Anna Belanger 9:14:41 PM
4/20/2004
oh my god its four twenty!
posted by Anna Belanger 7:31:47 AM
so, job. store. sore feet. gossipy people. promotion!
posted by Anna Belanger 7:31:04 AM
3/2/2004
nevermind. i got up again. maybe i'll stay employed this time! going for the lobster, im in it for the long haul now. being poor is lame, im going to try to avoid it from now on. its time to bother putting makeup on. i want to get a cat.
posted by Anna Belanger 1:34:16 AM
2/25/2004
gawd,i swear i get more brain dead every day. i don't know why im so retarded but i wish i could just get over it like a normal person and stand up for myself. get a job, make some money, improve my standard of living. not even mine, aaron's too, we're poor as shit and it boils down to the x element that is keeping me in this chair. it doesn't even make sense. theres like some kind of barrier in my own head that stands between assessing my situation and being like 'holy shit i have six dollars to my name, i better go get a job' and actually doing it. like, ok, i got that telemarketing gig and they fired me tuesday (i didn't sell anything) wednesday i guess i deserved a day off, thursday was aaron's birthday so i stayed home and cleaned the shit out of our place, and friday i picked up my cheque. monday was a mess, i got up, sat around with my thumb up my ass until aaron woke up and was like 'you know you have to go look for work'. i then got ready as slowly as i could so i'd fuck myself up and be too late and not have to. its this accidentally-on-purpose shit that bugs me the most. its like after all that slackerism in highschool my brain is so adept at avoiding unpleasant tasks that it goes ahead and does it without my concious consent. yesterday was better, i went all the way to metro viau (i live at close to vendome, google an stcum map if that doesn't tell you anything) to go to this 'entree libre' that turned out to be the opposite of what was advertised. after that i went to the atwater-guy concordia vicinity, and i saw places that made me think 'i could work there' but then id go up to the door and id be paralyzed with chickenshittedness. i mean ive never rescued a kitten from a burning building, but im usually not a chickenshit either. i should be able to open a door and walk in, chat with the dude/girl, ask for the management and give them a resume. i can handle that. so why can't i handle that? i like myself, i shouldn't be treating me this way. like enid says, this is my happening and it freaks me out.
posted by Anna Belanger 2:26:53 PM
2/21/2004
le monde est un enorme aligatore feroce qui tourne dans l'espace et nous ne sommes que des fourmis minuscules qui marche a-petit par-dessus. n'importe ou, n'importe quand, il pourrait nous croquer, nous r'entrer de-dans, et nous savons, tous mes amis, au fond, que c'est peut-etre une question de dents. et c'est pourquoi aujourd'hui je'm'suis dis qu'il faudrait pas trop maltraiter les moment ou on se retrouve ensemble. et c'est pourquoi, aujourd'hui je'm'suis dis qu'il faudrait peut-etre arreter de s'arracher la tete et faire la paix ensemble.-lili fatale, elephant blanc. from the 2000 album panavision. that nobody on soulseek has even heard of. la vie est la douleur.
posted by Anna Belanger 7:45:44 PM
2/13/2004
blech. i sat around for months waiting to get a job. now i annoy americans. and try to trick people. the managers waltz around in trampy clothes, patting each other on the back, and saying things like 'come on, guys, its the power hour!' 'next person to make a sale gets ten dollars!' i was feeling really disillusioned about the world. i didn't want to leave my bedroom because of all of the fraud out side. and now im in the snakepit and im one of the snakes. its so wierd.
posted by Anna Belanger 7:15:16 PM
2/3/2004
its wierd. ive been trying to chalk up what exactly has happened to me. i used to be so much fun. ive been coming up with all these dumb explanations, because its more fun to think of explanations than it is to wake up early, put your coat on and hand out resumes. but you know what i think it is? the world is just fuckin' crackers. being in highschool and living at home and being able to devote a certain amount of my paycheque to useless shit like lipgloss, and donuts, and paying for records rather than downloading them, that was all just lining in a birdcage i don't live in anymore. cause now im out and about, and im looking around. and its all true. men still pretend to listen to what women are saying so they can get ass. women still give men ass so they can get money and consumer goods. parents compile extensive online photo galleries of their kids doing the same stupid shit every little kid does. fox is doing the bachelor, but with dwarves. then halfway through, once all the she-dwarves are just starting to work out their pecking order, they're gonna pit the short against the average in one big showdown of vindictiveness and bad grade three jokes. all for the affections of some dwarf. i mean, i saw a picture of him, hes kinda cute, for a little guy. put a joke about small penises here. people that you are kind to and feed because they are penniless and show some charisma will turn around and steal your guitar to buy smack. people get more excited about the superbowl advertisements than the game. i was flicking channels last night, and there was this sequential moment of guy on one channel would talk about janet jackson's tit, next channel guy makes same joke about said tit, next channel guy is upset about tit. next channel dude's all like 'YEAH! THATS WHY THEY CALL IT THE BOOB TUBE!' ive seen fraud and fights and general scuzzbucketry. i saw a rich schizophrenic lady in a big leopard coat, walk through a picture framing store and ask every single person for a dollar for the bus. and i had all of these hopes and all of this faith that even though everyone is a little wacky, that we were still bound somehow. we're all just little ants in an obstacle course, right? we all just want to be held at night, or retire early, or get sweet jobs that we actually love, right? well, probably. but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't feel free to stand on each other's necks. so here i am, out of my birdcage for a little while, and im sorely dissapointed. humans have done a really bad job with this planet. so i recognize that its time to start flapping my wings. i don't doubt that i can do it. i just don't really want to. that means flying, with all my fellow birds, who are dicks. flying through polluted skies, from a vantage point where i can really clearly see just how shitty everything actually is. this is getting disjointedly pejorative and unfocussed, so im stopping now. i guess this dissillusionment is just another rung on this ladder of aging. fuckin' hell.
posted by Anna Belanger 3:34:32 PM
2/2/2004
"oh well im lookin' real hard and i'm tryin' to find a job, but it just keeps gettin' tougher every day. but i got to do my part, cause i know i in my heart, i got to please my sweet bab-eey-ay. well i ain't superstitious and now don't get suspicious cause my woman is a friend of mine, and i know that its true that all the things that i do will come back to me in my own sweet time. keep on a'rockin' me, baby."-steve miller
posted by Anna Belanger 4:52:14 PM
11/3/2003
counting flowers on the wall/that don't bother me at all/ playin solitaire till dawn/ with a deck of fifty one/ smoking cigarettes and watching captain kangaroo/ now don't tell me i've nothing to do......
posted by Anna Belanger 11:07:13 AM
10/23/2003
beck: totally confused haha, whups. august 21 seems like a fuck of a long time ago, lets recap..oh im so glad i left this for myself two months ago so i can even do a re-cap...man, im fucking brilliant... "there will be action taken (no). and responsibilities (that i still ignore). and grocery shopping (every few days, there's the esposito's down like a block, they have a nice selection). and taxes (cooler than taxes is the bottle deposit, because then when you have a huge party, the next day when you are cleaning up, rather than just seeing an ocean of bottles you're seeing brown glass currency. its like recompensation. last time we were grumpy and zapped out from cleaning so we used the bottle money to buy a bunch of weed. hostessing has advantages.) there will also be beer (everywhere! i haven't been drinking all that much since i got here, at least not lately. i don't need to run off and drink a gallon of beer, im comfortable just knowing it's there.) and houseplants (none so far. aaron and i are kind of starting to want to get a cat. however i don't think we can have two pets at the same time in an appartment this size, so we have to wait until alex finds a new home.) and cookies (chips) and sex (and how!) and winter clothes( its fucking FREEZING in our appartment). there's gonna have to be a first time i talk to a cute french boy in french without thinking about it. (i talked to cute english boys...and i speak french without realizing it... but not both at the same time) there are going to be interviews (no, ma'am, im going through a 'transitional phase') and paycheques (alex gets paycheques..) and pencils (that are lost) and crumpled up pieces of paper (that are everywhere) and crying (but not very much of it at all) and giggling (oh, lots! tons!)and watching tv (i can't believe we are paying for cable) and going to pubs (no pubs, diners, man. moe's, green spot, ben's, cosmo's, picasso's..theres a few im forgetting) and wearing really cozy hip sweaters. (and stealing aaron's really cozy hip sweaters.) but now is the time to wait and tap fingers against tabletops. (somehow it never really stopped being inactive time. ive not made a whole lot of progress. well i have in some respects, like i live somewhere else. i paid some bills and some rent. nobody tells me what to do. but like, i woke up at three today, i have no job. until like twelve hours ago i hadn't painted since i got here. my place is a mess-ass. the plumbing is sorta wonky. ) its not time to tell off your boss just yet, kitty. (no, its time to kiss up to strangers so they will want to be your boss) hang in there. "" so what else is new? we are all having fun in the big french town. best, like, difinitive view of downtown is from the top of the dow, and breaking into long-abandoned breweries makes you feel pretty badass. the idea of not being able to purchase beer or cigarettes sickens and apalls me. there are lots of really awesome new people. most of them are in nyc right now though. so is aaron. i have to wake alex in half an hour so he can go see chaplin films with his girl. I AM GOING TO START POSTING DAILY COMICS
posted by Anna Belanger 4:42:53 PM
8/21/2003
i guess this is a fine state of affairs. everything is tight. not secure tight, like, actually dripping with tension. if growing up means shedding everything you're accustomed to and adapting to something else, then i guess thats what im going to have to do. i would not have suspected that at the end of canterbury i'd be able to count my friends on my fingers, but such is life, i suppose. i value my fingers, i value the people i have left. people act like whatever they want to act like. im packing up my records. the box that was always full of firewood when i was a kid was actually built by my great grandfather as an lp case. long ago, my dad was lugging his records around in some beer contraption, and his papa didn't like that idea, so he built a case out of what looks like the wood panelling you would put on a wall in a bungalow. i love it. a specific need calls for a specific wooden box..like, i dunno, forget it, i can't figure out how to say what i mean. but maybe you just know what i mean. im kind of ambivalent. theres a bunch of people who formerly i cared about a lot who i can't even be mad at cause i can tell its a waste of my time. i want to give a lot of people the finger, but lifting it up seems like too much bother. it turns out i do have to work my last day of work, which is saturday. ive really enjoyed being a non-essential city service over the course of this last week, and would like to thank whatever it was in ohio that fucked everything up. good job giving our heads a shake and forcing us to turn off our air conditioners. need is such a relative term. ive set out my clothes for the next three days. thats all there is.
posted by Anna Belanger 4:33:34 PM
7/29/2003
oh lawdy. miss maudy. this has gotta be as stagnant as it gets, right about here. its 12:33 am, im sitting here in my unnderwear surfin' the 'net. i could gio to bed, but i won't. i could sew, but i won't. (and i can't really, anyway) i could go for a walk, if i put pants on. but i won't. nope, im drinking peppermint tea and lamenting the fact that im out of weed by smoking stems from the huge bag i accumulated over the year. i had wondered if i would ever get desperate enough to do that. i'm perched on a chair, looking out into the future. in a months i will move, there will be action taken and responsibilities and grocery shopping and taxes. there will also be beer and houseplants and cookies and sex and winter clothes. there's gonna have to be a first time i talk to a cute french boy in french without thinking about it. there are going to be interviews and paycheques and pencils and crumpled up pieces of paper and crying and giggling and watching tv and going to pubs and wearing really cozy hip sweaters. but now is the time to wait and tap fingers against tabletops. its not time to tell off your boss just yet, kitty. hang in there.
posted by Anna Belanger 12:53:06 AM
7/24/2003
check out how awesome this is! im, like, typing, and all of the letters on the buttons i press are coming to life on the screen before me. there are spaces in between the words! no underscores! this is so amazing... its raining, and its nightime, and im BORED AS SHIT. i think everyone is out in dana's car, im having a moment of tara anxiety. (sorry babe, i guess since you're the only one who still reads this i shouldn't make light of your nerves) but yeah. listening to my hendrix records cause its been aeons since i did that. im counting down until my last day of work. then i get to pack up all of my assorted shit and move to a bigger pond with more hot people in it. so how could i not be generally stoked about the state of everything? i mean, for real here..yesterday was sorta..big. aaron came over around four thirty and we ate some mushrooms. we ran through traffic and went to the park. a big storm blew up, but rather than rain and thunder upon us with fiery vengeance and furious anger, it just kind of..i guess it blew me away. it was one of those hella stoned stoneds where time actually DOESN'T MATTER and if i stand up too fast i fall down again. which i did. i had a stalk of queen anne's lace, it had a bug on it. it kept me amused for who even knows how long. the bug was blue. and shiny. i felt sorta bogus, everyone was doing something positive, like andrew and ben were singing funny songs, and julio was rolling joints, and that chick who still goes to canterbury was giving people massages. all i did was faint. like, thats not cool. then people i don't know kept being like 'you look like a corpse' and i kept being like 'sorry.' what am i supposed to do? so i feel a little off, cause apparantly i project some kind of deathly spectre. not such a great feeling. but whatever. im not looking foreward to the prospect of having to buy more pot, but im going to have to in the next little bit. fuckin..money. I AM NOT GOING TO MISS MY BOSS ONE TINY ITTY BITTY LITTLE BIT. i kind of wish i was a cowgirl. or that i had a baby bear who would never grow up who i could roll down hills with. his name would be scott, or brian, or douggie, and he would wieght the same as me (so i wouldn't get mauled) and we could play fight. and sometimes i could put little hats on him. it would be just like that weezer video. i think im losing my hearing.
posted by Anna Belanger 10:52:48 PM
7/13/2003
celia? violet? esme? sewing machine names. katherine?
posted by Anna Belanger 10:21:22 PM
7/4/2003
oh! i blew smoke at the dead daisies and it was like something out of a bad novel of the old south. a familly dynasty of whorehouses with big poufy huge ridiculous lace curtains. like much more curtain than there is window.
posted by Anna Belanger 2:00:55 AM
...and like a magical cloud that lifts, i am happy again. haha, it was all a big joke. conclusion: i am fucking mental.
posted by Anna Belanger 1:37:16 AM
not so happy. it took me a long time to find a song that was my favourite because it was my fucking favourite.
posted by Anna Belanger 1:09:44 AM
7/2/2003
oh my god. my willpower is at a career low. never have i so not wanted to go to work. i don't even want to get out ofbed. now that im out of it i just wanna get back in. there should be some kind of special like, i dunno, arbitrary token that you pick up at moments of triumph and exhaltation that you can cash in for days like these where holy shit EVERYTHING is a huge ass hassle. ive been getting more that enough sleep, shouldn't i start being well rested now? its been summer for like three weeks. AUGH! woe... canada day was pretty sweet though. i made myself blueberry pancakes and then watched pulp fiction with alex, and then we ran around telling everyone that 'anytime of the day isa good time for pie.' met up with aaron and holly and vanessa and josh and jaime. smoked on a peninsula and watched the fireworks. stupid cow shortchanged me, i don't like that dep anymore. i thought three visits meant loyal patronage! well they can kiss my ass as i take my business elsewhere. not like theres a shortage of depaneurs in hull. BEANS_
posted by Anna Belanger 2:33:41 PM
6/26/2003
whats yr take on cassavetes by le tigre. i am having SO MUCH FUN. commencement was this morning, and at the time i was kind of like 'meuuu..its hot....' but now im like 'whoa! fucking sweet! highschool is done!' (most omnipresent phrase of the last three weeks) my art didn't all get thrown out after all, now its all home safe! and that means theres stuff that wasn't even up before that is now living in my home. i think im gonna write the second issue of lonesome tiger. excpet its really going to just be more for the first issue because that wasn't lonesome tiger it was just luke leduc. and..and..yeah yeah stoner referances!
posted by Anna Belanger 9:05:50 PM
6/19/2003
i stopped a productive image harvest to come on blogger and tell you how much 2+2=5 is a really fucking good song. thats really all. its so good.
posted by Anna Belanger 10:31:25 PM
